and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
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I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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