I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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