so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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