I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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