You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
