You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize