I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
