Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
