Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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