do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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