i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
