Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i think im in europe. pls send help
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
