Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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