i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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