Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
