The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
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Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
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He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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