Umm I'm too high to move.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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