The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
