i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
