sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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