He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
