His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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