Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
