Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
