you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
