I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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