theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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