so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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