I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
