we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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