i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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