I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
