we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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