he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
