Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
