dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have aggressive nipples.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
