Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
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The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
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so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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