Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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