I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
