If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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