I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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