It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize