you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
