I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
