Porn is love you can see.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
