I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
