You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
