Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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