All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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