I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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