he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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