when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
