I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize