shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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