This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
