I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
