I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
