I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My nipple is on Facebook.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
