How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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