Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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