shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
