Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
