You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
