I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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