Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
