Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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