We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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