Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
