theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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