Even water is tasting like jack daniels
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
