He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
